Does manifesting “bad” things mean something is wrong — or is it an invitation into peace?

The other day, a client asked me a question that pierced straight through the heart:
“Was it my fault that I ended up in a dead-end marriage?”

Then, her voice cracked as she added,
“Something must have been wrong with me to have attracted a narcissistic partner… right?”

My heart sank—not just because of what she was going through, but because I’ve heard the ache beneath that question so many times before.

I’ve heard variations of it from so many women I’ve worked with–deeply sensitive, spiritually aware women who’ve been on the path of law of attraction and manifestation for years.
Women who have read all the books, taken all the courses, listened to all the teachings about how your energy creates your reality.

And so, when something painful happens: when they find themselves heartbroken, lost, or betrayed—they turn inward and ask:
“What did I do wrong?”
“Was I not aligned enough?”
“Is this a reflection of myself?”

And I get it because I used to feel guilty about the “bad” things I attracted at one point too.

Like whenever a friend or client around me was going through challenging circumstances (in fact even way before we met), I used to think that something was wrong with my “energy” that I must have attracted that. Or when uneventful human situations happen, as in when my car would break down, I also blamed it on myself that it was because I was due to a “bad” vibration I was putting out.

So when things go "wrong," it wasn't just feel the pain of the experience itself. But also the sting of self-blame layered on top.

And this type of guilt can be worse especially in the social media day and age when all the manifestation coaches showcase their life looking “perfect.”

With that and alongside marketing messages always saying how you are not doing enough, healing enough in order to attract so and so, we then end up believing that we are always short of something and that we need to “fix” ourselves like something is innately wrong with us. 

But now, after letting go of that manifestation world for a few years and now revisiting that with a fresh new lens from deepening into my spiritual journey–-

I now see how certain laws of attraction teachings can be misunderstood easily, and therefore can still be making us feel trapped in the world of suffering. Not because it’s entirely untrue, but because it’s only part of the picture. There’s a deeper truth underneath it all– one that brings us closer to lasting peace and unconditional love.

You are not your circumstances

The first problem with Law of Attraction teachings is that it focuses so much on getting the “outcomes” that we can end up defining who we are based on the situations we’re living in.

In other words, we become victims to our circumstances rather than rising out of them.

So for instance, that means if you experience a rejection—whether in a relationship or in your career—you might believe that you must not be “good enough.”
Or when something doesn't manifest in your desired timeline, like the home, the money, or the love you’ve been visualizing, you start believing you must not be “high-vibe enough.”

To the mind, this form of self-blame offers temporary relief—at least it gives a quick mental explanation for why you’re stuck. But what I want to tell you, my love, is that the self-pointing finger only keeps you swirling in the same loop you’re longing to break free from.

For example, if you believe you're “not good enough” because you attracted the “wrong” partner, then when someone who is available and loving comes along, you might freeze.
You might mistrust it, block it, or push it away—not because it’s not what you asked for, but because your nervous system is still confirming the old belief: “You don’t deserve this.”

To live in true Creator Consciousness—where yes, you do create your reality—is to stop letting external events define who you are. It is to realize that you are already whole, already complete, already perfect, made in the perfect image of God. You are not a product of your circumstances; rather you are a spark of the divine who has it all.

For anything that tells you otherwise is not love. It is not God. It is the illusion of separation—Maya—designed to keep you looping in being the victim of your circumstances, when your soul actually was made for freedom.

You don’t have to perform

The other thing with law of attraction is that it still can lead us to feeling like we are prancing around as small, separate selves who have to perform our way to our desires.

That is, that life is a game of transaction– that we have to insert the “right” vibration into the Universe in order to get what we desire. And that if we make the “wrong” move, we end up becoming stuck or attracting “bad stuff.” 

But if you are a sensitive, deep-feeling woman, all of that can feel heavy and exhausting.

That’s because despite the spiritual pull to attract what we want with effortlessness and ease, we are still going about attracting things with a mechanical this-equals-that type of mentality.
We end up trying to micromanage our behavior, and even worse our emotions because of the fear of being a “bad vibration.” 

But with almost anything in life, you will find that what you resist tends to persist.

The same with our emotions where if we are in fear of having “bad energy” we end up bypassing and avoiding BIG emotions (e.g. anger, sadness, loneliness etc.) and these feelings only become further dislodged inside of us.

And because the emotions are trapped inside, it just continues to feel like we can’t slow down and instead have to perform in order to manifest your desires, therefore causing us to feel overwhelmed and burnt out. 

The truth that finally liberated me, and likewise also in the lives of the women that I work with, is that you actually don’t have to perform or “try” to manifest in the first place.

You are allowed to slow down, make “mistakes,” and feel what you feel without the pressure of manifesting.

That is, to live the life of least resistance and non-attachment to outcomes.

From that place, what comes to you will surprise you. Your truest heart’s desire will be manifested through you, not because you are trying but because you are surrendering to the flow of love. 

Because after all, it is not the ego (the individual separate self) who manifests. Trying to manifest from this limited part of who we are only leads to control and frustration based on our circumstances.

Rather It is God, Universe, the All-that-is who is the actual doer and is manifesting through us. Our only job is to simply allow and rest in that love… 

~~~

So to sum up, it is NOT you who attracted unideal relationships or circumstances.

Rather, it is just a pattern that has been unaware of love (unaware of your true nature) that is drawn to circumstances, situations, and people who aren’t consciously what you most desire.

So you may be “attracted” to things that are unloving, unkind to you, and then “attract” even more of that which you don’t desire because you are focused on them (and are bothered by them). 

To remember our true nature as Creators, ever one with the peace, love, and fulfillment of God (the one Infinite Creator), is to see perfection in all that is. 

Because even if the mind thinks that situations are tough and challenging, they are still perfect catalysts to help us remember our true nature.

And in seeing this perfection, we can always hold the power to choose our response—with peace, with love—no matter what the outer world presents. And it is in that unwavering stillness, untouched by the shifting world of form, that you find all-abiding peace.