How to find your authentic self and finally be at peace

Coming home to my authentic self feels like an eternal homecoming. A relief I had always longed for but never quite knew how to name.

And she came in with a vision, that which I had been yearning for, after all these years.

A tender, slow existence by the woods, where golden light drips through the trees in late afternoon. Long, meandering days wearing linen dresses and thrifted sweaters soft with use– sketching, writing, and painting on a parchment paper. Meditating beside wild meadows, where the grasses sway like ancient prayers and the wind exhales a breath that smells of moss, rain, and peace.

But as I settled on what feels like an inner refuge, my mind was also grieving. 

She was mourning over the old self who was once caught in the web of the shiny objects of the world— the luxury homes, the marble kitchens, the glossy vacations, the curated "what’s in my purse" reels. The part of me who hungered to gather a following that would impress the world, dazzled by shopping sprees and polished outfits. 

And yet, trying to revive the drive and ambition of that past self was like watering a dead tree and begging it to bloom. No matter how hard I tried, she was gone, dead, lifeless. 

And in her place stood my authentic self—rooted, steady, radiant with the quiet light of truth. Her palms were open, gently welcoming me to walk beside her.

And I simply cannot deny her anymore.

~
The words above came from a journal entry I wrote, not long after meeting the woman within me who had been waiting patiently all along. She was my authentic self—my true self—the one who rescued me from the storm of feeling lost.

But for the longest time, I didn’t realize that she was whom I had been longing for all along. 

All I knew was that I was exhausted I was running on a hamster wheel of always chasing one goal after another, yet feeling that I was “missing” something with a hole in my chest– which I just didn’t know what it was back then. 

All I knew was that I wasn’t happy with my life– and I was constantly dissatisfied with my own “progress,” and about how I wasn’t meeting up to my own expectations. 

This is the ache of emptiness that many deep-feeling, intuitive, sensitive women can feel on their personal development journey. But because our culture teaches us to strive to become our “best self,” we often mistake that ache for something else. We think we need to push harder, reach higher, fix ourselves.

When in truth, the ache is calling us not to become someone else—but to come home to who we already are. That is, to be yourself (more specifically, your true self).

And you know that this longing to find your authentic self is true even more when: 

 You feel tired—but not just the ordinary way.

It’s a kind of soul-tiredness that goes beyond sleep or workload. It’s a spiritual and energetic exhaustion—the kind that comes from efforting, striving, and trying to “get” to things. Maybe life didn’t give you what you wanted or you did get to the success, but things always feel like a struggle to maintain/fight for and you’re done with it. 

You feel like you’re always falling short.

You may find yourself feeling not enough, not far ahead enough, not successful enough etc. When we’re not our authentic self, there is usually this deep sense of inadequacy, like we are not as good as the people we compare ourselves to. I’ve been there so many times myself, and looking back I now see that it’s because not knowing our authentic self makes us feel like we need to fit into the moulds of other people and their expectations. 

You feel like something is “off"

You may feel like you're doing all the things, achieving all the things you were told would make you happy. You’ve followed the path — that your parents, society, social media, has told.

But still, there’s a quiet part of you that feels unsatisfied…
Even after reaching the mountain tops — the income goals, the six-figure launches, the promotions, the dream home.

You’ve created the version of success that others admire — and maybe even envy —but when you slow down… it feels strangely hollow.
Like something essential got lost along the way. (HINT: she's your authentic Self).

 You long to receive, not for what you do/ look/ perform, but for you.

Whether that is love, clients, or money, you don’t want to be receiving them only because you did something that other people “like.” But instead you want to receive because you did what YOU love, you expressed what you truly felt, you didn’t get swayed by others and instead stayed true to yourself– i.e. be yourself. It’s the type of unconditional receivership that your heart is longing for. 

What is the Authentic Self vs. the “Best” Self

However, all of these deeper desires are not typically expressed in the self-development and even the spiritual manifestation world. Instead, what we are taught to desire are typically the kind that is flashy, immediately visible– aka the curated version of the “best” self.

Whether it’s how polished your social media feed looks or how many impressive titles you can fit into your Instagram bio, we are conditioned to believe that more is always better. And so, to reach your “best” self becomes synonymous with having the most—the most success, the most beauty, the most recognition.

But being your authentic self is entirely different from that.

Rather than merely striving for visible, external markers of success that can be measured or admired from afar, living as your authentic self is about seeking the deeply visceral, often intangible, yet unmistakably felt inner experiences that define what success means to you.

And so, instead of chasing numbers, accolades, or aesthetics that live only on the surface, it’s about discovering the quieter gems—like peace, presence, beauty, well-being, simplicity, or genuine connection.

In essence, to live from your authentic self is not about building an “image” that pleases others or earns their admiration.

Instead, it is to come home to what feels honest, meaningful, and alive for you. And that may mean choosing a quieter path, a softer rhythm, one that may not be validated by the world—but is deeply, unmistakably true in your bones.

And that shift requires a whole new different kind of courage.

How to find your authentic Self

Before we can fully merge with our authentic self though, the mind often clings—gripping tightly to the old “suit” we’ve worn for years.

It holds fast to the false self—the one we believed we had to be in order to be loved, respected, or safe. To this part of us, shedding that identity feels like a kind of death.

And so, the mind resists. It clings to the familiar hustle, the pushing, the striving, the efforting, the proving– even though we know it’s exhausting. And even though we know it’s no longer aligned.

So what ends up happening is that we experience a strange inner tension: one part of you that longs for a life of truth, softness, and ease—while the other part whispers doubts, questioning whether that path is realistic or “too good to be true.”

And for many sensitive, intuitive women, this inner transition is the hardest part. It's not that the authentic self is hard to find—it's that we’re still afraid to let go of who we think we’re supposed to be.

It’s like being a caterpillar inside the cocoon, sensing the wings of the butterfly forming, yet fighting to stay small, in the familiarity. The "best self" clings to the polished image, the one who appears successful, composed, and admirable on the outside—even as she crumbles within.

This is why, for many of us, the path to peace can initially feel like more chaos. Because the mind is resisting a truth it doesn’t yet trust: that peace can exist without conditions.

That we don’t have to earn it by first becoming someone else, other than to be yourself. That we don’t have to wait for the perfect job, the right partner, or the next windfall of success before you finally experience peace.

But eventually, through time or through intentional connection with the Soul (the kind I guide my clients through), we come to see: the authentic self is the only way forward.

To ignore her is to argue with life itself. To resist her is to resist the current of the Divine, which longs to express uniquely and freely through the Self.

And when we don’t feel peace, it’s often a sign that we’re blocking that energy—resisting the Divine’s movement through us, rather than allowing it to express the truth of who we are.

How to come home to your authentic self so you can be at peace

And so, to find yourself– i.e. come home to your authentic self (and therefore experience lasting peace), a question you can ask yourself is to see what would you be if what you are striving for is already provided. 

For instance, if your mind is needing a bunch of money before you in order for you to feel safe, a question you can ask is:

“Who would I be I am already safe?” 

Or if your mind believes you need others’ validation to feel loved, you can ask ask:
“How would I express myself if I already am loved?”

This question bypasses the mind’s addiction to external striving and drops you into the soil of your own sufficiency. It helps you touch the self who already knows how to be.

Alternatively, you can also use negation—a sacred subtraction—to meet the self underneath your fears.

So instead of asking who you’d be if you got what you wanted, ask who you’d be if you didn’t.

For example, if you're afraid no one will engage with your work, ask:
“Who would I be if no one was watching, and I shared anyway?”

Or if the mind is terrified of losing the titles of “success,” you can ask:
“Who would I be if the titles were gone, and I still showed up with an open heart?”

By releasing the tight grip on outcomes, then you will begin to realize that peace is actually not the result of what happens outside of you. Rather, it’s the return to who you've always been.

More gifts of being your authentic self

Because you’re not pressured to be your “best self” and therefore force yourself into someone you’re organically not, you experience more freedom in life– and so can receive what you desire more freely, with less effort and struggle. Because now, all you need is to be yourself.

In fact, it’s one of the most common things my clients tell me after our work together:
"I’m finally receiving the things I used to chase—without chasing."
Her energy softens. Her nervous system stops bracing for what might happen. Instead, her beingness simply becomes enough for receiving what’s meant for her… 

Then there’s the peace, joy, love– all the things we’ve most deeply longed inside on the other side of course. 

When we are our true selves, in fact we don’t even have to “wait” for the results to arrive (or other people to give us what we want in order for us to receive anymore). Instead, we feel fulfilled just as we are. 

Like for me in the past for example, I used to wait until I landed a new client before I can feel relief in my business. Now, I feel relief even in the middle of a quiet writing day, sipping warm tea, or letting these words pour through me like rain.

Or like in the past, I needed the perfect “date night” to feel connection in my relationship. Now, I feel it in the way I laugh about nonsense with my husband in the kitchen, or the way I share my weirdness without filtering.

Just like that, your days can feel like a soft garden too—tended not by struggle but by savoring. Not by clinging, and controlling, but by simply creating from your natural soul rhythm. 

And that’s what your authentic self brings you home to, my dear:

A life that feels like home instead of a schedule that constantly demands more from you…

A quiet morning where your creativity flows without an agenda.
An afternoon where you close your laptop without guilt.
A client who finds you—not because you pushed—but because you spoke your heart.
A moment of laughter with someone who sees the real you.

It’s like finally resting in a meadow that whispers:
You don’t have to try anymore.
You just get to be yourself.

And that, beloved, is the arrival you’ve always longed to feel—
Not at the peak of the mountain-top moments,
but here, in the quiet bloom of your own becoming.