Feeling unworthy? This is how you become worthy of love right where you are

You may have tried so hard your whole life to be successful, to be well-respected, to be admired, but if you feel unworthy inside, it will still feel like you’re still not good enough… yet. 

That you still haven’t attained that “dream” version of yourself.
That you still haven’t got what it takes for other people to want or love you. 

And this belief is very sneaky. So many women– especially those who are deep-feeling, sensitive, soulful, feel this. With thoughts like… 

“I’m still not where I want to be yet”
“I still don’t have it all together yet”
“I still need to work harder, grind harder, ‘improve’ myself” 

I know this because I’ve been there. I remember wallowing in shame around how I wasn’t making enough sales, or being disappointed by how I’m so “behind” other women I see on social media. 

And in terms of relationships, it’s the same story. I felt rejected, hurt, and unseen when men didn’t choose me. I felt like I had little value, and that other women have way more looks/accomplishments/personality to be deserving of love. 

Fast forward to now, I’m married to someone with whom I can just be me. I feel loved not just for my gifts, but also for my flaws, my weirdness, my quirks. And most importantly, there is a peace within me that cannot be disturbed by what I perform or produce. It’s the kind that doesn’t waver, wax, wane. Instead… peace (including love in my marriage) stays. 

But it didn’t happen just by accident. There was a shift that had to occur in order for me to feel worthy of love… and only from there could I feel safe and secure receiving it. Yet, when a woman doesn’t feel worthy of love, it manifests as: 

Blaming yourself for not being enough 

Saying “I’m too much for someone, they can’t handle me.”
Or feeling that you’re “too needy, too emotional, too complicated.”
Or that you’re not “pretty enough, smart enough, successful enough” (or insert any other external thing you feel insecure about).  

Or similarly blaming circumstances 

As in, saying “There are no good men where I live”
Or that “People just don’t take relationships seriously anymore”
Or even “God/Universe doesn’t provide love for me”

Or even worse, spiraling into hopelessness 

Like saying “Love isn’t meant for me”
Or thinking “Something must be wrong with me”

At the same time, finding yourself in relationship patterns where you: 

• Pick partners who are not capable of giving or receiving the love you desire. And so they may say that you are “too much” or “not enough”, making you doubt yourself even more.

• Which leads to settling for less than what you actually desire, tolerating bad behavior because you’re afraid that you won’t find anyone better. Or that you have “missed the timeline” so you need to settle down asap, because everyone else is ahead of you.

• OR going into a hyper-independent mode where you are afraid of falling in love again… and so you set unrealistic boundaries, you push partners away before they can get close in the name of having “high standards.” 

And the good news is, all of it can be healed. There is nothing wrong with you in the first place and you are always deserving of love. You don’t have to prove, push, or perform for anything. You are deserving of love as you are right now. 

In my own life, this realization is what has allowed me to go from being “dumped” by men where I had to be the one who has to put effort in a relationship… to marrying a partner who loves me, supports me, and provides in his safe, strong, loving masculine. The same way in my career, it led me from feeling not good enough when the “likes” in my posts are low, to having a sense of worthiness that doesn’t waver with numbers. 

And below was how I shifted it: 

Stop trying to have a “high” self-worth

Many people think that in order to feel worthy of love (and feel good about yourself), you need to “increase” your self-worth. And so you try speaking affirmations to the mirror, or try to upgrade your income, lifestyle and wardrobe, thinking that you will finally feel worthy of love once you have “improved” yourself. But what will happen is either one of two things. Either:

1). You achieve that upgrade, but still continue finding flaws about you that are still not good enough. 

It’s like having plastic surgery but then after fixing your nose, you continue finding other things to fix like your pores, your chin, your eyebrows. And after you fix them, you continue finding more things like your hair, your eyelashes, your cheekbones. The list is endless.  

That is because as long as you are operating from “I need to have x in order to feel worthy of love,” you will continue to find more things you need to have because you can’t earn your way to realizing who YOU are. You, your soul, your true nature cannot be bought. 

2). You never achieve, earn, attain. And so never feel worthy of love. 

You may try so hard to attain the upgrade/ the lifestyle/ the perfection, but regardless of how hard you try, it’s like something is holding you back. You may blame it on your lack of consistency or lack of confidence, or lack of willpower, but regardless, you find yourself never getting “there” (i.e. your next level self that you’re aiming for). And because of that, you don’t feel worthy of love yet. 

~

All of this is to say, you can never achieve or attain your way into having a higher self-worth (and so feeling worthy of love). That’s because you are ALREADY worthy, my dear. You are already worthy in the heart of God. Even in your mistakes, even in your failures, even in your lowest, God loves you, cherishes you, values you as you are. And the love you are seeking from your life partner is simply an extension of you realizing that such love is available.

There is actually no such thing as worth

When you start experiencing that love – God’s love (i.e. limitless, unbounded, unconditional love), you also start realizing that your “worth” actually doesn’t exist. 

Because being of “worth” is simply a word/ a concept made up by the human mind… In truth, it doesn’t actually exist. In love’s reality (God’s reality), things just are. They exist, just because they are. Period. 

Here, there is no judgement. There is no such thing as, you shouldn’t be there. Or you shouldn’t have this. Own that. Do that. Be that etc. 

It’s only the mind that is making up rules and restrictions around what you should have and shouldn’t have. It’s only the mind that is enforcing barriers around how you can’t have what you desire. What you are worthy of and not worthy of. 

It’s like the mind is a middleman between you and your desires. Between you and love.  Between you and happiness. Between you and you feeling good about yourself. Between you and you receiving All that is... 

Instead the mind says… “No you are not worthy of xyz because (insert a thing you don’t like about yourself)”.
“You are not worthy of love because you haven’t been a good girl” etc. 

And guess what it sounds like… ? It sounds like the voices you’ve heard from your parents/society– the people who told you that you aren’t worthy of their love, their affection, or validation… at least not until you “fix” something about yourself, earn/achieve stuff. 

In other words, your “worth” was created by people (i.e. ego minds) who couldn’t give unconditional love to you, nor have experienced it themselves. 

And here you are, simply waking up from that.
You are waking up from the fact that “worth” is actually just a judgement about yourself.
And it does not actually exist in love. Because love doesn’t judge. 

The truth is, there is nothing you have to prove, perform, or push in order to be worthy of love (a life partner or anything else you desire). 

In fact, the fact that you desire something in fact is proof that you are already worthy of it. For your desire came from God… and God would has already chosen what you are worthy of! (Hence you feel your desire)

And our job is simply to get out of the way of what God wants to give to us.
Because God already has the highest in mind for what He/She wants to give to us. And the only way on how you can not receive, is by judging yourself.