“What should I text him?" (Healing texting anxiety as a shy Asian woman)

What should I text him to make him interested? Should I text this or should I text that? Am I texting too much? So, is he going to think that I am too needy? Or should I reduce my texting frequency to make him want me more? These are the kind of questions and the inner conflicts that many women experience when it comes to texting, early dating, and relationships.

Today we are addressing how to heal texting anxiety, especially for women who feel overwhelmed by all the uncertainty around online communication. This is particularly relevant for Asian women or women in cultures where being outspoken in real life might not come naturally. When it comes to the digital sphere, navigating what to text and how to text can feel like a big question mark.

In real life, it may be easier for you to let the other person do most of the talking. But when it comes to texting, you might want to reach out, yet part of you may wonder if what you say is the right thing or if what you’re about to send will keep the interest alive or make him want you more.

You might find yourself battling those thoughts and overthinking everything because that is what creates texting anxiety. Today, we are talking about how to shift your relationship to texting so that you experience a sense of ease when it comes to communicating with men.

Personally, I have been able to transform my own relationship with texting and how I approach relationships through texting as well. I used to be that girl who, anytime I heard a notification, would run to see who it was from, thinking that it was my crush or the guy I was interested in. I would get upset if it wasn’t him. I was also the one obsessing over what I should say next or if I was saying the right thing.

Now, I experience a kind of relationship where texting is consistent, mutual, and emotionally intimate. It creates connection without feeling like a barrier or something hard to manage. Because of that transformation, I was able to maintain a four-year long-distance relationship. We are now married, and even though we are no longer long distance, the point is that if your approach to texting is rooted in peace rather than anxiety, you can build a solid foundation for your relationships.

Even when times get tough or when you are in a long-distance situation, you can thrive through that. Today, we are going to discuss the details and nuances of texting and how to shift your mindset and energy when it comes to online dating and communication.

Before we dive into the solutions, it is important to understand the common mistakes many women make in online dating and texting.

We often focus on the surface level of what to say. We think that what makes him interested is the specific words or phrases we use. Maybe it’s about being catchy or flirty, or sounding seductive or confident. We believe that we have to adopt a certain persona to make him interested.

But the truth is, if that’s not authentic to you, it will not create a real long-lasting connection. It’s just a temporary strategy that eventually feels exhausting.

You might also think that the key is about the frequency of your texts. You may believe that texting every ten minutes or only once a day is what builds connection. You might be afraid of double texting because you think he will see you as needy. Or you may worry about the length of your messages, thinking that long paragraphs will turn him off.

All of these things may seem important on the surface, but they only scratch the surface of what truly creates connection. The real question is not about what you text or how often. It is about who is the one doing the texting.

Are you texting from the anxious little girl inside you or from the confident woman who knows her worth?

That is the root of how to get over texting anxiety. When you are texting from a place of anxiety, your energy is jumpy, scattered, and insecure. It feels like walking on eggshells or walking a tightrope. You constantly worry about how to maneuver your next message, whether you’re saying the right thing, or if he’s interested enough.

In this state, your focus is on controlling the outcome and performing perfectly. You might overanalyze every word, every emoji, or every timing. You’re trying to get it right, and that effort creates more anxiety and stress.

In contrast, when you approach texting as a confident woman, your energy is stable, grounded, and secure. You feel safe expressing yourself without hesitation. You know who you are and what you want. You don’t need his validation to feel good about yourself.

This confidence allows your communication to feel more natural and relaxed. You’re not at the mercy of his reactions or interest levels. Instead, you’re rooted in your own worth and authenticity.

The key to healing texting anxiety is to shift from that anxious, jumpy energy to a calm, confident presence.

When you do, your texts become more fluid and genuine. Sometimes your messages might be a little longer, sometimes shorter. You respond more naturally and without overthinking every detail. Your texts will come across as more feminine and effortless because they are rooted in self-assurance.

Remember, what keeps a man interested is not just what you say but where you are coming from when you text. Are you texting from the little girl energy that feels like walking on eggshells, or from the confident woman who knows her worth?

There are other traits that distinguish these two energies. When you are in the little girl energy, you tend to micromanage everything. You overanalyze his responses, trying to figure out what to say next, or whether you should send a certain emoji. You might feel the need to perform or impress, which creates a sense of inauthenticity.

On the other hand, as a confident woman, you mirror his energy. If he is interested at a level of 30 percent, you match that interest level with your own. If he is more enthusiastic, you can reflect that, but it’s always authentic to how you truly feel.

This mirroring creates a natural flow and deepens the connection. When you feel safe and secure within yourself, it’s easier to relax and reflect his energy without feeling the need to control or perform.

Another difference is in the way you approach the conversation. The anxious little girl feels like she needs to keep the conversation alive at all costs. She might overthink her responses or try to keep the dialogue going constantly.

The confident woman, however, knows she can decide whether to engage more or step back. She observes whether he is truly interested in her or just playing games. She can discern if he respects her or if his words are matching his actions.

This ability to decide and observe is crucial. It allows you to honor your boundaries and trust your intuition instead of trying to manipulate the situation through performance.

So, how do you get over texting anxiety and build a healthy, effortless connection? The answer lies in shifting your energy from anxious to confident. Focus on who you are when you are texting instead of what you are saying.

When you approach your texts from a space of self-assurance, your words will flow more naturally. You will respond when you genuinely want to, not out of fear or neediness. Your messages will feel more feminine, more fluid, and more aligned with your true self.

This shift not only reduces your anxiety but also creates a healthier foundation for your relationship. It allows you to connect deeply and authentically, even in the digital space.

If you want to truly let go of texting anxiety and learn how to attract and maintain meaningful connections through online communication, remember that the key is not just the words you type but where you are coming from inside.

For deeper personalized support, I invite you to click the link in the description box for a free consultation. Together, we can explore how to transform your relationship with texting from anxiety to peace and confidence.

With love,