Why you struggle to love yourself (And how to change that)

You don't have to try to love yourself because God loves you as you are. Life loves you as you are. You are accepted in this universe exactly as you are. But as humans, as women living in this day and age, you have learned how to block the flow of love. You have learned how to stop yourself from receiving this love.

Instead, you judge yourself. You doubt yourself. You hesitate. You hold yourself back. Or you put your needs at the back end, in the corner. You let everyone else step on you like a doormat or tolerate any form of unhappiness. You learn to accept that as normal. You believe that this is love. You think that you have to sacrifice yourself, your needs, your joy, and your happiness in order to be loved.

You think you must change yourself to be accepted or to get the love of others. You believe that something is wrong with you. But the truth is that all of that is exhausting. All those actions where you try to micromanage who you are, how you appear to the world, what you say or do, and who you are at your core are so draining. And that is not love.

You learned that controlling and micromanaging yourself would lead to love. You thought that if you could just control everything about yourself, you would finally be loved. But the truth is, you do not have to do anything to attract love. Love is already here. You are already loved. You are already accepted just as you are.

Instead of thinking that self-love is about superficial things like taking bubble baths or dressing well, realize that these are beautiful but still not enough. All of these are good in their own ways, but if they come from a place of micromanaging yourself, a place of figuring things out, trying to restrict or form yourself so that you can be loved or accepted, then that is not true self-love.

True self-love is when you see that just as you are right now, you are enough. You are already loved. You are already accepted. It is like the sun shining on you without judgment. It does not say that because you look a certain way or act a certain way, you are not worthy of love. The sun shines equally on all of us, regardless of how we look or what we believe about ourselves.

It is the mind, the conditioned, programmed mind, that is the one creating these restrictions. It is the mind that limits your experience of love. Because in reality, all there is in this universe is love. Love is the fabric of existence.

The reason why you get the sun, breathe the air, and see the trees and flowers is because of love. Love has made you, created you, and brought you into life. But in your mind, you have learned to distrust that love. You think love is unsafe, or that it is scarce. So you create your own limited version of love that is very controlled, very finite, and very dependent on other people's opinions and judgments.

You learn to believe that love is a scarce resource. You judge yourself harshly because you think that you are not enough or that you are not lovable enough. You restrict love from flowing freely because you are afraid of letting go. You try to control how love should look or feel, and in doing so, you create more suffering.

This control is like building a dam or a wall to prevent the waves of love from flowing freely in the ocean. And this blockade is what causes your unhappiness. It is what keeps you disconnected from your true worth.

The only way to truly love yourself is to ask yourself: what are you blocking? How are you blocking love?

Maybe you are blocking love by judging yourself. Maybe you are blocking love by saying you are not ready or not capable of love yet. Perhaps you are afraid that love is not safe or that you will get hurt. All of these are ways you hold yourself back because of fear.

But the truth is that real self-love does not require effort or force. In fact, it requires surrender. Surrendering your need to control, your need to micromanage how love should come to you.

When you let go of that struggle, you see that the love life has for you is the same love that exists inside of you. It is already within you. It is always here, waiting to be recognized.

Love is not something outside of you that you need to chase or earn. It is the essence of your being. When you rest in that knowing, your heart begins to open naturally. You allow yourself to receive love without resistance.

So, why is it so hard to love yourself? Because you have learned to block the flow of love through judgment, doubt, and control. You have believed that love is scarce or conditional. But the truth is, love is infinite. It is the very fabric of life itself.

The key to loving yourself is to relax into that truth. To realize that you are already loved exactly as you are. To surrender your efforts to control and instead, trust in the natural flow of love within and around you.

When you do this, loving yourself becomes effortless. It is not about trying harder or doing more. It is about allowing yourself to simply be.

Remember, love is already here. It is in you and all around you. All you need to do is open your heart and accept it.