Why waiting for soulmate doesn't work (and what to do instead)

The wait for your soulmate, for your divine partner, for the significant other is actually delaying you from receiving love. It is actually delaying you, withholding you back from receiving love and being loved.

I know this sounds counterintuitive because you have lived your whole life thinking that if you wait for something long enough then it will finally appear. You have believed that all you need to do is wait longer in order to have them.

And I know that especially with the concept of soulmates, with the idea that there is this one special someone who can finally give you everything you want, everything you have been looking for. This idea of a single, special person can trap you into the belief that until you meet that soulmate, until you meet that one true love, you cannot be happy yet. You cannot be at peace yet.

So you live your entire life waiting, waiting, and waiting. The longer you wait, the more you feel compelled to keep waiting. It becomes an endless cycle because waiting is a form of suffering. Whether that is waiting for a person, a significant other, a soulmate, or an outcome such as a career goal, a business success, or anything else. Waiting only keeps you in a cycle of more waiting.

It is an endless loop. Just like how the mind keeps you trapped in the cycle of endless suffering, waiting causes suffering now and even when what you desire arrives. Even if you get their commitment or finally feel like they see you, you still might sense that something is missing. You might think that they are not giving you enough or that you still lack something.

And so you continue through this cycle of suffering, which is just another form of waiting.

The truth is that in this universe, nothing is truly to be waited for. Nothing is outside of you that needs to arrive at a certain time. Everything exists in its perfect timing, in its perfect rhythm, in its perfect order. There is a deeper intelligence at work in everything — from the water flowing right now beneath us to the changing seasons of autumn, summer, and spring. You never have to wait for it.

There is always something happening.

But when you wait, when you think that you cannot have love until you meet your soulmate, you lose sight of the deeper truth and perfection of what is. You lose sight of the perfection of who you are. And this prevents you from realizing your own perfection, from experiencing the fullness of your true self.

The reason waiting does not work is because you are delaying yourself from realizing who you truly are. You are delaying the recognition that you are in fact perfect love. You are perfect wholeness. Instead of embracing this truth, you create your own suffering through waiting.

You cause yourself to believe that love is outside of you and that you must wait for it. But the reality is that you are the love you seek. The love you desire, whether it is a soulmate or any other longing, can only arrive when you see yourself first. When you choose yourself first. When you fully accept and love who you are.

When you say, "I can't be happy yet," or "I can't be at peace until this person comes into my life," what you are really saying is, "I cannot be me yet." You are saying, "I cannot be whole and complete until this person appears."

But how can this person come into your life when you are not fully you? When you are not fully as whole and complete as you already are?

It is like waiting for flowers to bloom without the sun. Without the sun, the flowers cannot bloom, the leaves cannot breathe, and photosynthesis cannot happen. The same is true for your soulmate. Your soulmate cannot fully arise when you have not fully chosen yourself. When you have not fully chosen your happiness, your peace, your sense of wholeness.

You cannot radiate and express the truth of who you are if you are still waiting for external circumstances to validate you.

That is why waiting for your soulmate never works. Because this waiting is based on a story you created in childhood — that you get what you want only through suffering.

Think about it — when you were a child, getting a toy from your parent often depended on how long you waited, how much you pouted, how many tantrums you threw, or how much you cried. You believed that only after suffering and pleading did you finally get what you wanted.

You may have unconsciously applied this story to the universe. You thought that the universe needed you to be unhappy first, that it needed you to suffer before you could receive what you desire.

But the truth is the universe is just a reflection of you. It mirrors your inner state.

When your inner world is filled with lack, emptiness, or the feeling that you do not have what you want yet, you will continue to attract circumstances, people, and situations that reinforce those feelings. You will see couples that make you feel even more alone. You will meet men who reject you or give you only breadcrumbs of love.

All of this is because inside, there is a part of you that believes you are incomplete, that you do not have what you want yet.

The real question is this: nothing in this universe will arise from more waiting. Waiting longer, hoping, or wishing only perpetuates more suffering.

Even if the perfect partner finally appears, you might trip over your words, overanalyze everything you say or do, endlessly strategize how to plan the relationship, how to get him to commit, or why he has not done certain things yet.

This problem-solving mindset is also a form of suffering because it stems from the waiting and the belief that you are lacking.

The truth, my love, is that you do not have to suffer to receive what you want. Suffering is not the way. Suffering only leads to more suffering, just as waiting leads to more anxiety, more unhappiness, and more feelings of lack.

The arrival of your soulmate depends on no one outside of you becoming the soulmate. You are the soulmate.

Only when you embody that truth will you truly see what a soulmate is.